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Top Ten Resolutions Not to Make This Year


By Zoe Ruderman
Photo: Tamara Schlesinger

1. Quit your job and wait for a dream career opportunity to present itself. Recession shmecession.
Reality check: Suck it up and hang on to your gig for now. Appease yourself by taking a class or picking up a hobby that will make your résumé stand out, like learning a foreign language or starting a blog.

2. Lose five pounds.
Reality check: Hot chicks like Jessica Biel, Beyoncé, and ScarJo are proof that toned and curvy is the new skinny.

3. Finally win back your ex-boyfriend.
Reality check: Move on. We give you permission to engage in some rebound relationship therapy.

4. Buy into all the latest trends.
Reality check: It’s okay to be a slave to fashion...just be a slave to cheap fashion, rather than dropping serious bank on each and every look. Kick yourself later for wearing it, but don’t kick yourself for blowing your paycheck on it.

5. Change your man.
Reality check: While some relationship tweaking is to be expected (hey, few guys are natural-born good kissers), if the words “fixer-upper” and “project” could describe your boyfriend, it’s time to get real.

6. Triple the number of friends you have on Facebook.
Reality check: Less time stalking your friends’ friends’ friends. More time catching up with buddies you actually care about.

7. Don’t eat any junk food.
Reality check: Cutting out all unhealthy food from your diet will most likely lead to binge eating, followed by intense guilt, by mid-January.

8. Watch less trashy TV.
Reality check: Zoning out and de-stressing for a bit every night with the help of good bad television is harmless.

9. Save more money.
Reality check: Let’s be honest. In this economy, we’re just happy to be able to pay our rent, gas, and credit card bill.

10. Keep your number down.
Reality check: Nothin’ wrong with notches on your bedpost, as long as you’re being safe.

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