by Liz Brody, Shine Staff, on Tue Jun 1, 2010 6:05am PDT
Tweeting may be the latest way to break up. But can you flirt in 140 characters?
Jeffrey Hall, PhD, would say no. He's an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, and his latest study is on "flirting styles" and what they reveal about romantic intentions. It's not published yet (slated for later this year in Communication Quarterly), but Hall agreed to give Shine an exclusive sneak preview.
Beyond pickup lines and eye-bats, he defines flirting as a whole approach to showing romantic interest, and he's identified five basic styles. (Like personality traits, people are usually a mix, he says, scoring highest in one.) Although Hall studied both sexes, we'll go straight for his male findings, thank you. (We know how we operate, obviously and besides, according to a new report in the Journal of Sex Research, most of the flirting research to date has focused on women.) So here's a crib sheet for your typical men-on-the-make:
The Playful Flirt
How you'll recognize him: Ever meet a guy at a bar or party who's clearly into you, the repartee between you so frisky, you can practically hear the "click"... and then poof! He disappears, never calls, totally goes MIA? This is the Playful Flirt. With charm that could melt an ice cap, he makes you feel on top of the ozone layer. He chats you up, knows how to flatter without being obvious, and never takes his eyes off of you.
His romantic profile: He probably hits on a lot of women. And, while he might jump into a relationship with one of them—and it could be hot—he's not likely to take it terribly seriously.
Is he really that into you? Sorry, but no. "These people are just looking for a self-esteem boost," Hall says. "He's flirting simply because he loves the way it makes him feel. It's like a sport to him—not necessarily an avenue for a relationship at all. He may even already be in one."
The Physical Flirt
How you'll recognize him: You won't miss this guy. He displays his sexual interest like a 12 million-LED sign in Times Square—but so appealingly, it's hard not to light up. At home in a bar or dancing at a club, he's ultra-comfortable with his body language, and an expert at reading yours (so he doesn't push where he's not wanted). And he's a master at the kind of private conversation that nuzzles easily into romance.
His romantic profile: This type tends to get hot and heavy pretty fast.
Is he really that into you? He's definitely attracted, but he's a big flirt. So while getting together is a pretty good bet, the long haul is more iffy.
The Sincere Flirt
How you'll recognize him: You might meet him at work or through a neighbor, and mistake him for a friend. But you'll notice he likes to talk and wants to get to know you—the inner you—and he's out to connect emotionally. "He might be cautious to make that first move," Hall warns. "These people believe it's respectful to let the woman develop romantic interest without having to be pushed or prodded or touched."
His romantic profile: He goes a little slower than Mr. Physical. But he's the kind of guy who has serious girlfriends with both sexual and emotional chemistry—the good stuff.
Is he really that into you? Very likely yes, and he's looking for his next close, meaningful romance.
Traditional Flirt
How you'll recognize him: Depending on your point of view, you'll either think he's a chauvinist or refreshingly old-fashioned. Because this guy follows traditional gender roles, he'll make the first move, pay for dinner, decide where to go—or try. You may wonder about his romantic leanings, since he moves things forward about as fast as a growing stalagmite.
His romantic profile: He forms solid relationships. And he doesn't play the field.
Is he really that into you? Absolutely. By the time he makes a move (be patient), he's pretty certain you're the one he wants.
The Polite Flirt
How you'll recognize him: You probably won't. These guys hate anything to do with dating, and often the whole singles scene. If you even find him in a bar, he's the one hiding in a corner, having been dragged there by five other guys. Not that he's a shut-in. He wants to meet somebody. He just doesn't like the way people go about doing it. Often you'll think his interest is purely platonic.
His romantic profile: The Polite Flirt only bothers with someone he thinks is worth getting seriously involved with.
Is he really that into you? Most certainly, yes. Now, how you'll even get that far with someone who's such a non-romancer, is another question. "You might have to subtly up the stakes," says Hall, admitting to knowing a bit about the Polite style himself. ("Some of this research is actually me-search," he says laughing). If you have lunch plans, change them to dinner with a few drinks, or suggest a spontaneous walk to see the sunset. "I sympathize with singles," adds Hall, who ended up marrying a coworker (she had no clue he liked her until friends said something.) "Once you get past the initial flirting, it gets a little easier."
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