Skip to main content

How to Keep Your Relationships Healthy


by Cosmopolitan.com, on Tue May 18, 2010 10:49am PDT

Conventional relationship wisdom says that being supportive during times of loss and sadness is a good way to strengthen a relationship bond, right? It turns out, however, that celebrating good news with each other may mean even more. Researchers who studied couples’ interactions say that the happiest pairs are those who respond positively to their partners' successes. “This was the strongest predictor of current and future relationship satisfaction,” says Shelly Gable, PhD, psychology professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara, who led the study.

To even further strengthen your relationship, break these rules.

Why It’s So Powerful
Favorable feedback does more than just flatter. “It validates accomplishments, but it also validates your relationship by showing that you get what’s important to each other,” says Michele Marsh, PhD, a clinical director for the Council for Relationships in Philadelphia.
Plus, talking to your guy about what occurred lets him relive it a bit, only this time he’ll associate the positive rush with you. The reverse response is also telling. If you’re not stoked by what your guy considers a win, it conveys that you may be jealous, threatened, or just not interested. That may be why couples in the study who weren’t thrilled by each other’s good fortune were more likely to break up down the line.

Show That You’re Psyched
Some victories are easy to identify, like a new job, but tiny triumphs are worth touting too. Give him emotional applause when he mentions getting a compliment, like post-project praise from his boss. Also, appreciate how he deals with annoying situations. “Interpersonal conflicts can be extra stressful for guys, so hearing that they handled one well can be very rewarding,” says Marsh. To make your response resonate beyond a pat “congrats,” ask for details (“How did you find out?”) or reaffirm how hard he worked on something (“Your hours of studying really paid off!”). Another way to escalate his excitement is to point out a specific trait of his that played a part (“I’m not surprised—you’re so tenacious!”). “Acknowledging his participation in the larger picture shows another level of understanding,” says Gable. Not doing so could sabotage your relationship.

Get Him to Boost You
You deserve kudos too. If your guy isn’t effusive about your achievements, it could be that he doesn’t know how important his support is. So clue him in like this: When something big is brewing, give him notice, like by counting down the days. Or just say, “Something great happened, and I want to celebrate it with you.” That lets him know it’s a big deal. When he does share a success, let him know the next day that you appreciated him being so happy for you. “If you say he did something right, he’ll remember that and be more likely to repeat it,” says Marsh. Just avoid appearing needy, since most guys hate that.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Soy Products Can Reduce Sperm Counts!

By: Heather Hajek Published: Friday, 25 July 2008 www.healthnews.com C alling all men who want to become fathers! Soy products may reduce a man's sperm count. Based on a recent study, men who consume soy products may have lower sperm counts than those who don't. The study was based on a small group of men who visited the Massachusetts General Hospital Fertility Center from 2000 to 2006. Even though the study found that some of the men who ate soy products on a regular basis had lower sperm counts, the researchers conducting the study are not saying that soy products were the cause of the lower sperm concentrations. The men who had soy products in their diets recorded lower sperm counts than those that didn't, but their counts were still within the normal range. Researchers don't deny that during the study men who consumed soy products had lower sperm counts, but they want people to realize there are other factors other than soy products that may have played a role in th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Obesity linked to quantity of sleep!

P eople who sleep fewer than six hours a night - or more than nine - are more likely to be obese, according to a new US study that is one of the largest to show a link between irregular sleep and big bellies. The study also linked light sleepers to higher smoking rates, less physical activity and more alcohol use. The research adds weight to a stream of studies that have found obesity and other health problems in those who don't get proper shuteye, said Dr Ron Kramer, a Colorado physician and a spokesman for the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. "The data is all coming together that short sleepers and long sleepers don't do so well," Kramer said. The study is based on door-to-door surveys of 87,000 US adults from 2004 through 2006 conducted by the National Centre for Health Statistics, part of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Such surveys can't prove cause-effect relationships, so - for example - it's not clear if smoking causes sleeplessn...
Post a Comment
Read more

Biggest explosion!

Thu Feb 19, 3:58 pm ET WASHINGTON (AFP) – The US space agency's Fermi telescope has detected a massive explosion in space which scientists say is the biggest gamma-ray burst ever detected, a report published Thursday in Science Express said. The spectacular blast, which occurred in September in the Carina constellation, produced energies ranging from 3,000 to more than five billion times that of visible light, astrophysicists said. "Visible light has an energy range of between two and three electron volts and these were in the millions to billions of electron volts," astrophysicist Frank Reddy of US space agency NASA told AFP. "If you think about it in terms of energy, X-rays are more energetic because they penetrate matter. These things don't stop for anything -- they just bore through and that's why we can see them from enormous distances," Reddy said. A team led by Jochen Greiner of Germany's Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestrial Physics deter...
Post a Comment
Read more